Table for One (click to read more)

90's kid would know, Bollywood has ruined romance and love. When all of my friends had someone to talk about or to talk to, it felt painful- when I said, 'I've never been in a committed relationship.' I measured myself with a scale of how others measured themselves. I later understood that the scale was always inaccurate. Though, it gave me learnings for a lifetime.

As Murakami says- 'Humans by necessity must have a midway point between their desires and pride.'
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To the girls, I dated-

One. We came from a very conservative tier-2 society. We hit it off on the first day itself, but we were as afraid as our conservative minds. I remember- I literally begged you for the date, and you wanted to come. But, your conservative mind would not allow you to. Finally, you did come. Once. No, twice. No, thrice. However, as soon as our friends labeled us...you confessed how uneasy you were with what others were thinking. No. I don't blame you. Let's be politically correct, and let's blame the situation. We did try meeting secretly and lying to our friends, but I felt like a thief for lying. I never liked this lying routine. I still believe that you were the special one, but lying for million times...it absolutely was not my thing.

Two. You were a new addition to our team. I helped you with the onboarding process. Okay. Let me explain something to you again- I did not help you because I wanted to make a move. I helped you because our manager asked me to. When we went on a date, you always insisted on paying bills, and I never understood it. No, I don't want to sound masculine; but we could have split the bill. No? When you denied listening to my side of a story that I was not hitting on you with the onboarding process or when you confessed that how you felt more strong by paying the bills, it was a real turn-off.

Three. I keep telling people that we met at our mutual friend's party. Well, because I felt shameful about using dating applications. I liked it when you made the first move. We were more than just friends, and you knew it. What confused me was when your parents started to look for a groom for you, why were you ready to meet those guys? When I asked you about our situation, why didn't you answer? I guess we never had proper closure. I'm glad that it happened. You know, no closure is better than toxicity.

Four. You were my junior in college. We connected on social media just before your admission because you had some doubts about the college. When you joined college, why didn't you directly tell me about your feelings? When our mutual friends set up a date for us, and when I arrived just 5 minutes late for a date, why did you walk away? I was late because there was a long queue at the blood donation camp. I did not donate the blood as I was getting late, but why didn't you believe me. When you persuaded me to go on an outing with your friends, and I agreed on just one condition that we would travel on the same bike, why did you ask your best friend instead of at the last moment? I said so because I never wanted to feel alone and uncomfortable. It was heartbreaking to see you walk away. Every. Single. Time. I'm glad that it was just a phase. At least for me.

Five. Our parents set us up. Damn, they are more genius than us. I never expected to meet someone the way we met. I remember it was Starbucks, and when a waiter asked us for the order, and I replied- just a simple coffee, and you smiled quirkily and ordered your specific coffee. I felt hurt. Starbucks is not my thing, you know. Except for this one, we found our mutual ground within thirty minutes. I started to believe that blind dates are not that bad. Now, let me tell you something- I wanted to walk out of that cafe on the thirty-first minute when you rolled your eyes when I told you about my writing habit or when I told you that how a book reading before sleep helps me calm down. I did not because you still had not finished your specific coffee, and I just wanted to be the gentlemen.
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The journey and the experiences so far have been wonderful. The one thing I understood is- it's okay to choose pride over desire. Sometimes, it is confusing...take a step back as soon as you realize the compromise. Sometimes, it takes time. But, time is a great healer. Give this a little more time. To summarize, a dialogue from a book- The Silent Patient-
'Choosing a lover is a lot like choosing a therapist. We need to ask ourselves, if this someone who will be honest with me, listen to criticism, admit making mistakes, and not promise the impossible?'

Till then...cheers to the table for one! Having a whole table for yourself is a lot like having Choco Fudge Tub for yourself.