already gone! (click to read more)

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*In this post, I try to unfold story-line along with the lyrics of a song. Song is already there on various streaming platforms and not written by me.*​

“W​​hat are we gonna do? Do you think it’s toxic, Joel?”

“I don’t know, Nandi. I’ve been home for the past 3 months now...without a job. It is driving me crazy. I feel depressed.”

“This has become a routine now. Stop beating around the bushes and tell me...what do you want me to do? Where did I go wrong? I will try to change.”

“Ohh honey…your head is bleeding again. Let me go to the pharmacist and buy some medicine and bandage.”

“It’s Fine. Just take some haldi from the cupboard.”

//Even without fists held high, yeah

Never would have worked out right, yeah

We were never meant for do or die//

 

“I have a solution…let’s take a break. Leave me here alone. I know you love me, but it’s me. I’m out of my mind. I don’t want you to get tortured again. I don’t want you to get hurt again…both…physically and mentally.”

//I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone//

“Are you insane? I know, we are having a rough relationship, honey…but this is not and never will be a solution…and do you want society to judge us again…who always says that our marriage won’t last longer?”

“Ohh, Jesus! Don’t start about society again…no, no, no…you know, this is what I’m talking about. I never wanted to shout at you. I never wanted to hit you…and we are not in a competition with this cynical society. We just want to stay satisfied.”

//Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you wanna cry//

“Yes. It hurts. But we must find a way out of this mess together. Running away is not a solution, Joel. And, I don’t think that your heart is at the right place right now. Get some sleep. We'll discuss this tomorrow.”

“Shona, I know what I am talking about. I just need some time to find myself.”

“Joel, Do you remember our marriage day? Do you remember your vows? You fucking called me your home…and no one leaves home just like that. I understand your condition. But, I have nowhere to go, darling…all I have is you. Let’s do one thing…you stay here…in the bedroom, I will adjust myself in the hall. Will that be fine with you?”

“Nandi, I’ve made my mind. You deserve better. Not me. I want you to achieve new heights. I don’t want to and never wanted to stop you or hurt you.”

“Where do you want me to go, Joel? Maybe you don’t consider me your home. But you still are…mine…you should know that. Okay. Try to remember our every first thing. That first nervous phone call, the way you proposed to me for the first time, our first kiss, our first fight...everything!”

//Started with a perfect kiss

Then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive//

“Life is not always perfect, Nandi. We need to move on. You could have never loved me better, sweetie. This all is happening because of me. I fucking hit you…you see…this blood…you hate it. Right? I abused you. I bloody don’t have a job…you had to cut your expenses because of me…then, why? Why do you want to stay? Go out there. Explore the world. I won’t mind, even if you move on.”

//Remember all these things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye//

“Stop it...Joel…yes…I don’t like blood or the abuse, but you are hurting me more with your words now. So, you want to find yourself? Fine…let’s do it my way until I feel more hurt. Okay? You in the bedroom, me in the hall. We will divide kitchen timing. I won’t even cook for you. We won’t even talk. Just pretend that I am not here. I love you honey…so much…and I can not just leave you like that. If you want, I can even set up my bed behind the sofa. You won’t be able to see me from the bedroom then. I am not and never leaving you. You are behaving this way when I’m right here…God knows, what will you do alone?”

//You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone

Already gone

There's no moving on

So I'm already gone//

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Song name is ‘Already Gone’ by ‘Sleeping at Last’